How To Be a Good Friend & Country(wo)man

For various legitimate reasons more scandalous than I care to explain in a public forum, my MIL has some slight distrust of “those Americans.” Specifically, she has a small (and largely justified if you take the perspective of a 60-something church-going lady) problem with some of those Americans who are our friends.

When we headed off into the sunset shenanigans of the Jersey Shore, we left a key to our home in the capable hands of one of those Americans so he could water our plants, have parties in our place after kickball, and other necessaries. We did this despite the warnings from the MIL not to give a key out because those Americans might hide a camera in our bedroom while we were away. (A not altogether far-fetched proposition based on her limited previous experience with said Americans.) We shrugged, laughed, told everyone about her warning, and gave him the keys anyway.

Sawed off handgun? Yes, thanks. (The orange bits that indicate it is a toy are sawed off!)

 Sure enough, upon our return, we were greeted with a hamster shoved into a toilet paper roll tucked beneath our bed sheets, a battery-operated motion-detector security camera from Dallas & Co. poised on a shelf, hand cuffs, and a gun in our night stand drawer.

He's watching you. Always watching.

We also found a fake dirty diaper in our ball pit (not pictured), a photo of Andy Dallas behind the bathroom door, and ‘used’ (glued) napkins around the house. Apparently this was a SWAT operation masterminded by the man with the key and several helpers after a night on the town.

All that to say, obviously you can’t trust those Americans. And we are soliciting suggestions for retaliatory measures.

This blog has deviated slightly from its original purpose of documenting my dissertation progress. I do hope you don’t mind. It has been an eventful summer, but I’ll get back on the academic track next week!