Everybody’s so bossy with their Rules for Life and How to This and That… but I’m a sucker for lists! So today, I offer you some tips and suggestions from bossy people who undoubtedly know better than I how to Succeed In Life, Spell Good, and Guarantee Fulfilling Friendships and a Good Work Ethic. An excerpt from Tina Fey:
The first rule of improvisation is AGREE. Always agree and SAY YES. The second rule of improvisation is not only to say yes, but YES, AND. You are supposed to agree and then add something of your own. … It’s your responsibility to contribute. Always make sure you’re adding something to the discussion. The next rule is MAKE STATEMENTS. … In other words: Whatever the problem, be part of the solution.
An excerpt from The Bloggess (via JKZ):
1. Don’t be shitty.
14. Don’t let other people on the internet tell you what to do. Unless it’s this list. Then I guess just use your best judgement.
From KM’s “Manners for 3 Year Olds List” (which applies to all ages!):
#6: The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself.
An excerpt from Emma Elsworthy (not sure how I clicked on to that – probably through Facebook or something. Let me know if I should be crediting you, someone on the Internet!):
14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
This one kind of stands in direct violation of Rule #10 from The Bloggess:
10. Don’t use the word “literally” when you really mean “figuratively”. It literally makes me want to stab you a little but I don’t do it because that’s illegal and also because I have a very limited amount of knives.
But books are pretty great, so it stays.
Last few rules – these are for how to lose weight (via JKZ again!):
10. It’s important to eat your largest meal earlier in the day, say, before 3pm.
11. Actually, no. Eat whenever.
13. NO. WAIT. Only eat two meals a day. Do not graze.
14. Skip breakfast.
15. Nevermind. Don’t skip meals.
16. And like, definitely don’t skip breakfast.
17. Well, you can skip meals and lose weight if you do a cleanse.
18. But smart people and scientists want you to know that cleanses are garbage.
Here’s some untested life advice: wouldn’t it be smart to write a book with the title #1 National Bestseller? I imagine that this has been done but it is relatively difficult to Google and I have given up after exactly 0.3 seconds and 2,350,000 results.