The Subject Line is in No Way Misleading

When your family goes on vacation to visit someone half way around the world where internet access is spotty at best, computers fill with ants on a semi-regular basis (perhaps due to literal cookies), and the journey involves more than 48 hours of flying with 6+ transfers, leaving you to fester and worry in the United States, it is really great that the first communications you receive from them after 72 hours of worrying are e-mails with the following subject lines:

– “See attached pics of the float plane that rescued us!”

– “It was touch and go for a bit, but everyone’s fine!”

– “Your sister had a small medical emergency but seems to have recovered!”

– “Dog tastes surprisingly okay!”

In the spirit of passive-aggressive holiday-themed retaliation, I have come up with some e-mail subject lines of my own for them:

– “Don’t worry, the doctor said she has seen this before!”

– “Enclosed: Time-sensitive questions about severed limbs”

– “At first I was like omigod, but I’ve accepted the situation!”

– “Attached pics of human remains that we found!”

– “Have any of you seen my important daily medication that has been lost for a week?”

– “LOL Attached pics of mysterious full-body rash!”

– “Please don’t be mad! LYLAS”

Feel free to add more in the comments. They will be used. In perpetuity.

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