No more monkeying around

"What was that again about evolution?" Frank Duggan, c. 1940.

“What was that again about evolution?” Frank Duggan, c. 1940.

"Ulster," Aislin, Montreal Gazette, 1998.

“Ulster,” Aislin, Montreal Gazette, 1998.

Darwin’s Mistake

Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree.

Discussing things as they’re said to be.

Said one to the others, “Now listen, you two

There’s a certain rumor that can’t be true,

That man descended from our noble race.

That very idea is a disgrace.

No monkey ever deserted his wife

Starved her babies or ruined her life,

And another thing you will never see:

A monkey build a fence around a coconut tree

And let the cocoanuts go to waste,

Forbidding all other monkeys to taste.

If I put a fence around this tree

Starvation would force you to steal from me.

Here’s another thing a monk won’t do,

Go out at night and get on a stew,

And use a gun or club or knife

To take some other monkey’s life

Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss –

But, brother, he didn’t descend from us.

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