Codifying attire (dress codes!)

Today, I bring you a special segment of what I call “Reasons I’ll never be able to get a job at Hooters, a Playboy Club, or Disneyland.” (A variation on the usual political cartoon swipes files, with apologies to regular readers who might like that stuff.)

Here’s the mash-up of the day, with an added test: see if you can match the following dress code excerpts to the employer (your options are: Hooters, Playboy, or Disney).

Mickey bunny


What do a mouse, a bunny, and an owl have in common?

(1) “Smile. Even when you are upset you always have to seem happy, but you need to try to keep a natural and attractive smile in order to show people that you are a happy and a open person.

Remove all types of body and facial piercings only exception are small stick needle size earrings.

Shave regularly. If shaving regularly is too much of a hassle, then try waxing.”

(2) “Our employees come in contact with our guests, as well as with each other in the course of their duties. It is essential that standards of dress, grooming, and personal hygiene be established. Proper care of yourself and constant attention to teeth, nails, hair, body, and uniform is recommended for maintaining good health, appearance, and safe food-handling practices.

Hair is to be styled at all times. No bizarre hair cuts, styles, or colors are acceptable. No hats or headbands are to be worn. No large hair clips or scrunchies.

This is show business.”

(3) “Intentional body alteration or modification for the purpose of achieving a visible, physical effect that disfigures, deforms or similarly detracts from a professional image is prohibited. Examples include, but are not limited to: visible tattoos, brands, body piercing (other than traditional ear piercing for women), tongue piercing or splitting, tooth filing, earlobe expansion and disfiguring skin implants. Tattoos must be discreetly and completely covered at all times. Jewelry, spacers, retainers, or plugs are not permitted in any body piercing, including non-visible piercings, while working.

Shaving of the eyebrows is not permitted.

Hair should be neatly combed and arranged in a classic, easy-to-maintain style. Extreme styles are not permitted.”

Scroll down a bit for the answers.






(1) Policing your facial features, piercings, and body hair modifications? That’s from the wikihow for Playboy Bunnies. (Try to be young, slim, and pretty, too.) (Just for kicks, I’ll go ahead and recommend “A Bunny’s Tale” for further reading.)

(2) Policing your teeth, nails, hair, body, and attire? That would by the Hooters Employee Handbook.

(3) Policing your hair, tattoos, piercings, and other body modifications? That’s from “The Disney Look” for would-be Disney employees.

In conclusion, physical appearance regulations seem pretty standard in the entertainment industry. This conclusion (the only one there could possibly be, surely) is drawn from the aforementioned anecdata.

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2 Responses to Codifying attire (dress codes!)

  1. Pingback: How To Choose The Best Style Prom Dress » 2014 Homecoming Dresses

  2. Pingback: Dress Codes, Round 2 | This dissertation is going to be fun, like dessert

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